Saturday, 4 July 2009

Bits and bobs

Today I am a drugs mule. Towler is feeling under the weather, and what cures dislike of being home in Wales more than Lucky Strikes and triple Malt Whiskey? Nothing better, surely? Thus I am armed with both, about to trek off to see him. Though first I have to finish my tortillas and sour cream, yum. Granted, it's no hummous. But there is no hummous in my parents house. Mother is quite anti chickpea it appears, so I'm currently going cold turkey.

I moved into my new flat on Tuesday. That was somewhat of an effort, but luckily I had helpful friends and parents to carry all my belongings up several flights. Everything fits in quite nicely in my room and it looks quite nice. Rob is moving in as we speak so hopefully we can finalise everything this week. Internet is being ordered, phone line is being connected. Excellent times.

I saw Transformers 2 this week. That was quite a bit of a mistake and only the fact that I was in my beloved FACT and could relax back in my seat distracted me mildly from the direness that was Michael Bay's concoction. Why the hell was RC now three robots? I liked that they shoved a constructicon in there, though initially I didn;t recognise what was going on with it. I thought the parents were quite amusing. Was there any real need for Shia the Beef's college room mate to be following them around all the time? He was about as useful as a sea cucumber on a hot day. Could they have stolen much more from the Matrix? The Decepticon's planet looked awfully familiar to the real world from the Matrix and the whole putting the bug into Shia the Shit was terribly similar. Not sure if it was supposed to be a homage or something, but it annoyed me. The end battle sequence was too long, though playing spot the sky as suggested by Glyn provided a suitable distraction - one minute it was sunset, then morning then mid afternoon blue. Not good Bay, not good. Where can I get a pair of white pants like Megan Fox? They only got slightly dusty right at the very end when she fell over, despite all the previous explosions and falling and dust and general dirt. Also Megan Fox running in slow mo sounds like it should be pretty fucking hot. It would have been, had she not been pulling a face like this. Out of all the millions of transformers there are, hey let's make some stereotypical black robots that are of no significance and have gold teeth and rings and ridiculous accents and faces I just want to punch. Also, I miss the garishness. When half the robots are steely grey it takes me 2 minutes to work out which is which. At least they got 1/3 of RC the right colour, though god knows why they bothered to put her in when she had no contribution to the plot whatsoever and for some reason had tripled. The only bit I genuinely laughed at was the old robot saying "My dad was one of the first robots! He was the wheel! You know what he transformed into? NOTHING!" I found this funny, though later realised it was innaccurate as he mus thave transformed into the wheel, but still. Let's not go crazy now.

Arlo foolishly fell for the few "appease the fanboy" moments such as oh hai a constructicon. Yeah I'm a fanboy, I'll admit it. He was arguing he liked it because of that. My argument is that is what they were there for. So that people would be like 'meh at least they did such and such'. I was ranting about it in the street and a random guy agreed with me. It was a big pile of steaming poo poo.

But there is something else I noticed that I had not previously considered. Steven Spielberg. He is slowly but surely ruining most of my childhood favourites. Granted, Shia Le Bastard is doing a good job too, but Spielberg is actually helping to make these films. Some of his recents are Tranformers 2 as producer, Indiana Jones 4 as director and 2 assistant director on Star Wars III. I love Spielberg. He's done some bloody good films. How can I dislike the man who wrote Animaniacs. But please Spielberg, please. Maybe we should stop now? If Tin Tin is a pile of poop I might have to come hunt you down and glove slap you. I mean, I would be too scared to, but darn it I'm going to rant like I am going to!

Oh dear, this has turned into a Transformers 2 review. Well UNSUPRISINGLY Transformers 3 is being made. I am not paying to see that. But I may waste a few hours of my life so I can rant about it and call people that enjoy it ridiculous cretins.

1 comment:

  1. I like Transformers 2... am i a ridiculous cretin? i think so..... i totally liked it for all the wrong points. The narrative was shit, the dialog sketchy and the acting a bit limp. As for character-arcs! well i seen more character development in an Andrex Ad!

    but my plus points are:
    Megatron bitching starscream!
    Optium dyeing
    Shi shitface dyeing - but he came back... well out of order
    the constructicon
    more robots
    and going to cybertron

    ...i give the film 3 of 10.