I watched the last ever Scrubs episode this morning, and since then haven't been able to get Peter Gabriel's cover of the Book of Love out of my head. This may also be due to the fact that I've had it on replay for the last hour or so and my last.fm is going to start to look like a Peter Gabriel tribute page. It was originally done by the Magnetic Fields, though I've not heard this version. Peter Gabriel's voice is just so vulnerable and soft. It's a perfect song, though I would say that as I'm a sucker for strings.
"The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing.
But I, I love it when you read to me
And you, you can read me anything.
The book of love has music in it,
In fact that's where music comes from.
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb
But I, I love it when you sing to me
And you, you can sing me anything.
The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know
But I, I love it when you give me things
And you, you ought to give me wedding rings"
This song is beautiful and it would be the perfect wedding song, really.
For me, right now, it almost makes me feel a bit melancholy. I don't have anyone that I could sing this to, or listen to it with them in mind filled with the warmth and tingling fingers of love. I hope that I will find someone who inspires this sort of love in me. I mean, I'm only 20, the best is yet to come and the whole world is laid out in front of me. I just hope. There's nothing wrong with a little hope.
Friday 29 May 2009
Sunday 24 May 2009
Revelations
Today is a gloriously sunny day, where people are breaking out the BBQs, getting their legs out and walking into town rather than taking the gloomy shelter of the bus. Despite this, I have somewhat squandered it seeing as I've been to the cinema to see Coraline, sat inside at the pub and now am sitting inside again on the internet, about to finish off the last episode of Desperate Housewives.
Coraline, for the record, was excellent. Described by Andy as 'the most Lizzie movie he has ever seen' due to its strange quirkiness and start-stop animation, with added 3-D for good measure.
Amongst all this sun, I have realised that this is one of the first times in my life that I'm not preoccupied with a man. First of all, this is quite shocking that it's taken me to be 20 for there to be a period in time where no man is standing out, offering a date and a few sweet words. At first, my ego was a bit confused and my unbelievable success rate became diminished the other night, but now I'm feeling good about it. I feel good about myself and I'm enjoying all this time with my friends. Things are definitely good. The summer of singledom has a good shine to it, I think.
I mean, it'd be nice if a man did offer me a date and a few sweet words, but right now I'm enjoying this sense of freedom and carefree attitude. It's very refreshing. Sally has advised me that it will get old, but for now, this is good.
Coraline, for the record, was excellent. Described by Andy as 'the most Lizzie movie he has ever seen' due to its strange quirkiness and start-stop animation, with added 3-D for good measure.
Amongst all this sun, I have realised that this is one of the first times in my life that I'm not preoccupied with a man. First of all, this is quite shocking that it's taken me to be 20 for there to be a period in time where no man is standing out, offering a date and a few sweet words. At first, my ego was a bit confused and my unbelievable success rate became diminished the other night, but now I'm feeling good about it. I feel good about myself and I'm enjoying all this time with my friends. Things are definitely good. The summer of singledom has a good shine to it, I think.
I mean, it'd be nice if a man did offer me a date and a few sweet words, but right now I'm enjoying this sense of freedom and carefree attitude. It's very refreshing. Sally has advised me that it will get old, but for now, this is good.
Saturday 23 May 2009
Boys, they be shit. Written whilst heavily intoxicated.
Please do not take the title light heartedly. It's 2.23am and I decided to leave the Peacock due to the blarg feelings of further drinking and the pain in my shoes - which appears to be due to the fact that thye completely need re-heeling. Jesus.
Talking to Sally and Kim for advice on living up the single life makes me think that, yes, boys are shit. Kate crying added to this fact. One rejection and one drunken offer averages out to an okay evening I guess.
I know it sounds stupid and probably big headed though its not because I'm actually pretty insecure, but I've not had a knock back of rejection for like... 5 years? Something retarded like that. This is all part of the learning process I'm goign through which is good. But yeah, something I've got to get used to again. I'm just feeling very drunk and awake but sleepy and yet desperate for someone to talk to and interact with at the least.
Either way, I'm probably incoherent. I'll go watch scrubs, like I announced as my housemate and I stormed into the house.
Talking to Sally and Kim for advice on living up the single life makes me think that, yes, boys are shit. Kate crying added to this fact. One rejection and one drunken offer averages out to an okay evening I guess.
I know it sounds stupid and probably big headed though its not because I'm actually pretty insecure, but I've not had a knock back of rejection for like... 5 years? Something retarded like that. This is all part of the learning process I'm goign through which is good. But yeah, something I've got to get used to again. I'm just feeling very drunk and awake but sleepy and yet desperate for someone to talk to and interact with at the least.
Either way, I'm probably incoherent. I'll go watch scrubs, like I announced as my housemate and I stormed into the house.
Thursday 21 May 2009
Star Trek and Peach Schnapps
Star Trek.
Wow. I have never seen a film with so much lens flare in it my whole life. But, bajeezus it was bloody good. I am of the Next Generation ... generation, so my knowledge of the times of Kirk et al is a bit limited. I thought the casting was excellent, and Simon Pegg had me in stitches. I also got a little excited when they asked who had hand to hand combat skills to which Sulu replied yes, though it turned out it was just "fencing". Despite the fact that his fighting style wasn't really fencing, it was a film with both Star Trek and sword fighting in. WIN!
Jan came with us to check that the film was as good when sober as opposed to half cut. Apparently, it is. Though it was annoying that we all got sat at the front in silly seats, but still. Phwoar what a film.
Then we went back to Shona's for ring of fire - though not typical Earle Road rules which involve mixing, danger shots and general cruelty. The peach schnapps made me feel a little ill. Next time I'll just stick to the vodka. Though Towler was necking pure vodka during the waterfall and even tried some of Mike's home made weed vodka. Not for the faint hearted, to say the least. It's smell was described as "paint stripper" and it's taste was apparently much worse, as explained by Towler through all the manic, strangled giggling to ignore the fact that he'd just ingested something purely distasteful.
Now I'm in bed, in the morning trying to get myself up to go make Lucy's birthday cake. Everyone else has an exam at 10.00. I should have picked that physiology probably, but either way it would have been a poor performance. Thank god I still didn't have my heart set on being a vet - I'm shit at physiology!!!
Right, I'd better get baking. 1 coca cola chocolate cake topped with coca cola icing and smarties coming up, plus a batch of muffins for the zoo tomorrow! Ahh the things I do for friends.
Wow. I have never seen a film with so much lens flare in it my whole life. But, bajeezus it was bloody good. I am of the Next Generation ... generation, so my knowledge of the times of Kirk et al is a bit limited. I thought the casting was excellent, and Simon Pegg had me in stitches. I also got a little excited when they asked who had hand to hand combat skills to which Sulu replied yes, though it turned out it was just "fencing". Despite the fact that his fighting style wasn't really fencing, it was a film with both Star Trek and sword fighting in. WIN!
Jan came with us to check that the film was as good when sober as opposed to half cut. Apparently, it is. Though it was annoying that we all got sat at the front in silly seats, but still. Phwoar what a film.
Then we went back to Shona's for ring of fire - though not typical Earle Road rules which involve mixing, danger shots and general cruelty. The peach schnapps made me feel a little ill. Next time I'll just stick to the vodka. Though Towler was necking pure vodka during the waterfall and even tried some of Mike's home made weed vodka. Not for the faint hearted, to say the least. It's smell was described as "paint stripper" and it's taste was apparently much worse, as explained by Towler through all the manic, strangled giggling to ignore the fact that he'd just ingested something purely distasteful.
Now I'm in bed, in the morning trying to get myself up to go make Lucy's birthday cake. Everyone else has an exam at 10.00. I should have picked that physiology probably, but either way it would have been a poor performance. Thank god I still didn't have my heart set on being a vet - I'm shit at physiology!!!
Right, I'd better get baking. 1 coca cola chocolate cake topped with coca cola icing and smarties coming up, plus a batch of muffins for the zoo tomorrow! Ahh the things I do for friends.
Tuesday 19 May 2009
Singledom
This afternoon is my last exam, thank christ for that. It's actually going to kill me though. I know frick all about hormones, except perhaps a bit on oxytocin and vasopressin. Bleehhh. I will just aim to get the 30% on my disclosed essay then all I need is at least 50% on the other two sections to get a 60. Ideally, I'd love a 70% or more, but yeah I doubt that's going to happen. Unless everyone does shit and they raise the boundary.
If singledom is anything to go by my next week and a bit of activities, I can safely assume that it means residing in a pub or bar.
Okay so today's Tuesday, right? Exam at 2.30. So the latest I'll be out is 4.30 then straight to the Font for 'Yay Lutheh is 21' and 'Yay no more exams' drinks. Then I have fencing 6-8. Then back to the pub :D
Wednesday I'm dying my hair, going shopping and perhaps the cinema and then going out in the evening with Shona, Mark, Jonny, Towler and whoever else turns up.
Thursday - pub at 12 to meet people finishing the physiology exam. Then pub quiz in the evening. As to what I'll do in between the two pub times, I have no idea.
Friday night is big night out with the bioscience kids! Messy times.
Saturday afternoon-evening is Mike's BBQ. So lots of good food and extremely strong home brewed alcohol. I like it.
Sunday is the End of Year meal at Bistro Jacques. They give free bottles of wine with the student 2 course meal.
So yeah, by the time I'm completely hung over on Monday I might go home and see my family for the day.
Then Uganda reunion on the Tuesday :D :D :D
That's going to be the highlight of the week I think. It's sad that Suzanne, Rob and Stewart (the lecturers) can't come, but Keith (technician) is coming. It's going to be so good. We're going to a South African restaurant in Ellesmere Port to eat exotic animals and drink and dance and spend too much, but most importantly, be in good company.
So in conclusion, expect my blogs to be less than coherent this week.
If singledom is anything to go by my next week and a bit of activities, I can safely assume that it means residing in a pub or bar.
Okay so today's Tuesday, right? Exam at 2.30. So the latest I'll be out is 4.30 then straight to the Font for 'Yay Lutheh is 21' and 'Yay no more exams' drinks. Then I have fencing 6-8. Then back to the pub :D
Wednesday I'm dying my hair, going shopping and perhaps the cinema and then going out in the evening with Shona, Mark, Jonny, Towler and whoever else turns up.
Thursday - pub at 12 to meet people finishing the physiology exam. Then pub quiz in the evening. As to what I'll do in between the two pub times, I have no idea.
Friday night is big night out with the bioscience kids! Messy times.
Saturday afternoon-evening is Mike's BBQ. So lots of good food and extremely strong home brewed alcohol. I like it.
Sunday is the End of Year meal at Bistro Jacques. They give free bottles of wine with the student 2 course meal.
So yeah, by the time I'm completely hung over on Monday I might go home and see my family for the day.
Then Uganda reunion on the Tuesday :D :D :D
That's going to be the highlight of the week I think. It's sad that Suzanne, Rob and Stewart (the lecturers) can't come, but Keith (technician) is coming. It's going to be so good. We're going to a South African restaurant in Ellesmere Port to eat exotic animals and drink and dance and spend too much, but most importantly, be in good company.
So in conclusion, expect my blogs to be less than coherent this week.
Sunday 17 May 2009
Things change
They do change. Sometimes you're afraid that the change is a big and frightening monster that snaps at your face and pushes you down the stairs. Sometimes, it's not that bad.
Me and Andy broke up. That's a pretty big change. The worst bit is knowing that all that pain in his eyes is my doing and there's nothing I can do to change it, because otherwise that would be me going against my feelings. I think that pain there is my big scary monster.
At the minute, I'm lying bed on this chilly Sunday morning, playing the Eels and watching animal web cams on zoochat. For the record that's not something gross - they aren't in stockings and bras. Just sleeping/swimming/eating/moving. It's been left on the orcas at San Diego Sea World for some time now. The best one is of a Tapir mum and baby. Ignoring all that, this is a nice morning. I know for a fact that this is probably one of the last things I can do to avoid freaking physiology work. I've messed on facebook, looked up music, been on bash.org, passed through zoochat and now I'm on here, all before 9am. I missed my alarm but luckily Jason's creaking floor woke me up, as I know I'm supposed to be awake long before him.
Luckily I got a nice long sleep. Friday, after all the messy stuff, I went to my coursemates and caned a lot of beer. I was, to say the least, a mess. I keep thinking about that night. It was a good night.
Right now, I'm ostriching still. As long as I concentrate on something else and bury my head in the sand/revision, I don't have to think about the horrible stuff. However, I'd happily put physiological control systems up on the list of 'horrible stuff' so herein lies the issue.
No doubt I'll be back on later and do a day-by-day blog of Uganda.
.... oh my god, why didn't I think of that before.
Me and Andy broke up. That's a pretty big change. The worst bit is knowing that all that pain in his eyes is my doing and there's nothing I can do to change it, because otherwise that would be me going against my feelings. I think that pain there is my big scary monster.
At the minute, I'm lying bed on this chilly Sunday morning, playing the Eels and watching animal web cams on zoochat. For the record that's not something gross - they aren't in stockings and bras. Just sleeping/swimming/eating/moving. It's been left on the orcas at San Diego Sea World for some time now. The best one is of a Tapir mum and baby. Ignoring all that, this is a nice morning. I know for a fact that this is probably one of the last things I can do to avoid freaking physiology work. I've messed on facebook, looked up music, been on bash.org, passed through zoochat and now I'm on here, all before 9am. I missed my alarm but luckily Jason's creaking floor woke me up, as I know I'm supposed to be awake long before him.
Luckily I got a nice long sleep. Friday, after all the messy stuff, I went to my coursemates and caned a lot of beer. I was, to say the least, a mess. I keep thinking about that night. It was a good night.
Right now, I'm ostriching still. As long as I concentrate on something else and bury my head in the sand/revision, I don't have to think about the horrible stuff. However, I'd happily put physiological control systems up on the list of 'horrible stuff' so herein lies the issue.
No doubt I'll be back on later and do a day-by-day blog of Uganda.
.... oh my god, why didn't I think of that before.
Friday 8 May 2009
Well it's been a ridiculously long time since I updated this. I didn't even do a Uganda blog. I'm sure I will eventually. With piccymatures and everything.
Right now I'm just sitting in bed, trying to bring about a sense of consciousness. Thus I think writing my blog might help. Shit, I am obsessed with the word 'thus'. I must endeavour to stop using it.
I can't stop listening to Skinny Love by Bon Iver. It's such an amazing song. The singer broke up with his girlfriend, Emma, and his band in an Autumn and moved out to Wisconsin to live in a wooden hut. His intentions were to 'hibernate' but when he left he'd written his album "For Emma, Forever Ago". I love the tune to the song. But then you listen to the lyrics. His heartfelt, raw and bleeding emotion just pours through the lyrics "If all your love is wasted, then who the hell was I?". Just grabs me by the heart. I can't stop listening to it. Today I have listened to it perhaps 4 times. I'm on my second go in a row. Last night in the library, probably 5 times of the whole album on repeat, as it's quite short.
Right now I'm feeling pretty cack so I'm fairly sure listening to depressing music is barely going to help. I had managed to avoid a seizure for almost two months, but I gave in today. I was fighting with myself all through Dr Lycett's second lecture, pinching myself to distract from the pain in my eyes, in my head and the uncontrollable twitching of my arm. I tried to breathe slowly, but that made it worse. I tried to tell myself in my mind to calm down and stop. But I didn't fall for that. I decided to push myself through to the end, which was silly. At the end of the lecture, fighting back the tears of fear, I told Lucy to get me home. They scare the hell out of me. Seriously, I know I've had quite a few and you'd think that by having more you'd be used to them, but no. I just don't always know what was going to happen. And having one, while perching on a bollard while three of your friends look on, concerned and completely unsure of what to do iwas a novel experience for me. I've managed to always be in my room or Andy's room previously. I couldnt' stop twitching my legs and now they completely kill. Afterwards, I tried to get up to walk away and the wind blew me over. Kept losing control of my mouth.
Luckily, Lucy and Matt took the mick out of me a lot. I find that detracts from the scariness of it all. I still feel pretty shaken up. It was so awful, because there were just so many people about and all I wanted to do was hide away and tell the seizure to go away and leave me alone. I just hate it all so much. I still feel pretty upset now. It almost feels like I've taken a step back in a way.
So yeah, I've lost three hours of studying time so far today. I can't really concentrate. Writing down exactly what comes into your head is easy. But trying to force things into your head when you're tired and post seizure is hard.
Bad day.
Right now I'm just sitting in bed, trying to bring about a sense of consciousness. Thus I think writing my blog might help. Shit, I am obsessed with the word 'thus'. I must endeavour to stop using it.
I can't stop listening to Skinny Love by Bon Iver. It's such an amazing song. The singer broke up with his girlfriend, Emma, and his band in an Autumn and moved out to Wisconsin to live in a wooden hut. His intentions were to 'hibernate' but when he left he'd written his album "For Emma, Forever Ago". I love the tune to the song. But then you listen to the lyrics. His heartfelt, raw and bleeding emotion just pours through the lyrics "If all your love is wasted, then who the hell was I?". Just grabs me by the heart. I can't stop listening to it. Today I have listened to it perhaps 4 times. I'm on my second go in a row. Last night in the library, probably 5 times of the whole album on repeat, as it's quite short.
Right now I'm feeling pretty cack so I'm fairly sure listening to depressing music is barely going to help. I had managed to avoid a seizure for almost two months, but I gave in today. I was fighting with myself all through Dr Lycett's second lecture, pinching myself to distract from the pain in my eyes, in my head and the uncontrollable twitching of my arm. I tried to breathe slowly, but that made it worse. I tried to tell myself in my mind to calm down and stop. But I didn't fall for that. I decided to push myself through to the end, which was silly. At the end of the lecture, fighting back the tears of fear, I told Lucy to get me home. They scare the hell out of me. Seriously, I know I've had quite a few and you'd think that by having more you'd be used to them, but no. I just don't always know what was going to happen. And having one, while perching on a bollard while three of your friends look on, concerned and completely unsure of what to do iwas a novel experience for me. I've managed to always be in my room or Andy's room previously. I couldnt' stop twitching my legs and now they completely kill. Afterwards, I tried to get up to walk away and the wind blew me over. Kept losing control of my mouth.
Luckily, Lucy and Matt took the mick out of me a lot. I find that detracts from the scariness of it all. I still feel pretty shaken up. It was so awful, because there were just so many people about and all I wanted to do was hide away and tell the seizure to go away and leave me alone. I just hate it all so much. I still feel pretty upset now. It almost feels like I've taken a step back in a way.
So yeah, I've lost three hours of studying time so far today. I can't really concentrate. Writing down exactly what comes into your head is easy. But trying to force things into your head when you're tired and post seizure is hard.
Bad day.
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