Sunday, 17 May 2009

Things change

They do change. Sometimes you're afraid that the change is a big and frightening monster that snaps at your face and pushes you down the stairs. Sometimes, it's not that bad.

Me and Andy broke up. That's a pretty big change. The worst bit is knowing that all that pain in his eyes is my doing and there's nothing I can do to change it, because otherwise that would be me going against my feelings. I think that pain there is my big scary monster.

At the minute, I'm lying bed on this chilly Sunday morning, playing the Eels and watching animal web cams on zoochat. For the record that's not something gross - they aren't in stockings and bras. Just sleeping/swimming/eating/moving. It's been left on the orcas at San Diego Sea World for some time now. The best one is of a Tapir mum and baby. Ignoring all that, this is a nice morning. I know for a fact that this is probably one of the last things I can do to avoid freaking physiology work. I've messed on facebook, looked up music, been on, passed through zoochat and now I'm on here, all before 9am. I missed my alarm but luckily Jason's creaking floor woke me up, as I know I'm supposed to be awake long before him.

Luckily I got a nice long sleep. Friday, after all the messy stuff, I went to my coursemates and caned a lot of beer. I was, to say the least, a mess. I keep thinking about that night. It was a good night.

Right now, I'm ostriching still. As long as I concentrate on something else and bury my head in the sand/revision, I don't have to think about the horrible stuff. However, I'd happily put physiological control systems up on the list of 'horrible stuff' so herein lies the issue.

No doubt I'll be back on later and do a day-by-day blog of Uganda.

.... oh my god, why didn't I think of that before.

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