Kisses

I wonder how kissing started.

When you want to kiss someone, you get that burning feeling deep in your stomach which flips and twists with all the butterflies. You feel a wave of trembling that builds in your toes and tickles up your legs until you just feel like you might explode if you don't kiss them. Your eyes keep flitting to their lips. You feel an insatiable urge to just grab them.

How did that start? Is it part of our biologically imprinted mind? Is it in the roots of our deepest thoughts? Is it a cultural thing that took off? If so, how did it get going? The idea of touching lips together just sounds a bit weird when you look at it mechanically. But then, if you're going to look at things that way, then sex must be a joke. It has been argued that kissing allows you to taste and smell another person, to sense whether they are compatible for you. That makes sense. The way someone smells to me is very important. At the minute the smell of a nice aftershave is like catnip for me. I just go crazy for it.

All this mystery behind kissing is probably why your first kiss with someone is so strange and wonderful. The feeling of a new person upon your lips and their breath entwined with yours. First kisses come in a multitude of places; under the stars, at a restaurant, while stumbling around drunk in a bar, when you least expect it.

My recent first kiss was just bliss. Under the war memorial in the gardens by St George's hall, in the dead of night if that even exists in Liverpool. It was a quiet and cold night. It was possibly the most passionate kiss I've ever had. He kissed like the world was ending, and I was the last kiss he was ever going to get. Someone said to me that regardless of where this relationship actually goes, that the kiss sounds like its going to be a memorable one. I definitely think so.

Musical Musings

While my last.fm happily shows off my omnivorous music taste with its recently listened to list, I fear that it is terribly one sided. My top 8 artists are Sia and Norah Jones, who I listen to less at the minute as they were what I was most in to last year when I joined the site, Regina Spektor, Amos Lee, Laura Marling, Elliot Smith - who I don't even listen to that much, I just have all his albums and once ran through them all in a big go hence the high number, Ane Brun and Ben Kweller. All this is very chilled out and relaxed music or music I can sing along to.

When I'm in I usually have shuffle on so that I can listen to all sorts. At the minute my last 6 listened to tracks are:
The Temptations - Papa Was A Rolling Stone
Chris Cornells - Billie Jean (cover)
Jackson Browne - Running on Empty
Mr Mister - Broken Wings
Franz Ferdinand - Matinee
Ocean Colour Scene - The Circle

Despite this, the music I listen to on my mp3 player is very different. Happy fast music keeps me walking quickly and puts me in a good mood. I was on the bus listening to Queen's I Want It All followed by some Kimya Dawson. I like music like this.

It means that when I'm sitting on the bus and I start thinking and my internal thought voice starts chatting away, it's more like I'm summing up the end of a tv show, sort of like Zach Braff does at the end of Scrubs. It's silly, but I quite enjoy it.

Oh, the Eels song My Beloved Monster just came on. Tune and a half.

Today is going quite strangely. I didn't wake up till about 12, which is very unusual for me. I guess my body needed to crash out finally. I've had a pretty hectic week. Then Ryan turned out to be in Liverpool with nothing to do, and seeing as I haven't seen him for a year or so we met up and I introduced him to Wagamamas. I had a massive ramen, which contributes nicely to the good feeling I've got going on. We bummed around for a little while in town then I had to go as Batters and Jack are driving up and coming to stay for a night out and some fun times.

Can't believe the news at the minute. 5 of the Labour cabinet have left today. They seriously do not want Brown as the leader.

Double Post

I know, I know. The internet faux pas that is double posting. I'm pretty sure it doesn't apply to blogs, only forums, but still. Was just thinking about the future. My future. Doesn't belong to anyone else. Just me.

I was thinking about if I ever got into a new relationship, and the first thing that sprung to mind was the Quiz by Hello saferide. I always loved this song, but it has never really been as significant as now. Well, not now, but in my future. The song is basically a questionnaire of things asked to a boy by Hello saferide herself, her name escapes me, but it boils down to her wanting someone to just be there for her when she needs them.

I think its going to be a long time before I'm willing to make myself vulnerable enough for a new relationship. The idea is positively frightening, to allow someone else to really see me and know me and understand all my foibles and ways and funny little things. Such as the way I refuse to eat sandwiches not cut into triangles and the fact that I act quite confident but am really just shy and insecure underneath it all. To trust them with my life is a scary idea. With my body's general loathing for being functional, thus providing me with 3 trips to A&E and a residential in the Walton within the last 7 months, I have to know that I can trust someone to look after me. And with the events of recent, featuring two seizures experienced on my own on my bedroom floor, I am worried I may become less trusting of people. More particular perhaps.

Anyway, here are the lyrics:
"You look nice alright
and I like the way you nod after everything I say
like it actually means something to you.

And I like your record collection
Townes and Jens with a hint of Rickie Lee
And you've cleaned up the bathroom, made a really nice soup
but a bit too much sci-fi in your shelf with DVDs.

But there's some things you need to know about me:
I'm weak right now, real weak right now
I need proof before I dare to open this heart
so I prepared a quiz for you:

Would you freak out if I said I liked you?
Do you walk the line?
Is your IQ higher than your neighbour's?
And is it very much higher than mine?

Can you sleep when I grind my teeth?
Do you look away if I slob when I eat?
Will you let me be myself?
Can you at all times wear socks?
because I'm still scared of feet

Do you talk in the middle of Seinfeld?
Do you read more than two books a month?
Do you get racist or sexist when you've had a few?
Is it fine if I make more money than you?

Have you slept with any people I work with?
Is there anyone you'd rather wish I'd be?
Do you still keep pictures of old girlfriends?
Are they prettier than me?

And if I'd fall, would you pick me up?
If I fall, will you pick me up? "

The questions about the old girlfriends is such a loaded girl question. The feet thing doesn't apply. Feet don't bother me really. Mine are always cold though which is pretty awful really. I think something about whether they'd forgive me for taking up most the bed when I'm half the size of the average person would be more apt.

These are just things passing through my head on this late evening. My finger tips are still hurting from playing so much Ukulele. I think 30 Rock is going to be the best step forward.

All hail Betsy the Ukulele

Today I went to go buy a keyboard, but there were no cheap ones. So I bought a ukulele instead. To be honest, it was probably the better buy. I've never played a uke before and I've always loved how happy they sound so I thought I'd get one.

This is her. Her name is Betsy. She kinda looks like a Betsy. She sounds lovely.

So far I've tried to have a go at 5 Years Time by Noah and the Whale (who I just found out has Laura Marling as a band member - no wonder the female voice sounded familiar!!). Also had a quick bash at Time of Your Life by Greenday.

The only one I've managed to play and sing to is Somewhere over the Rainbow in the style of Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, with the Wonderful World section thrown in, though I am less good at this. My rhythm is slightly more chilled and relaxed, with slaps instead of a 4th strum. Breaks it up a bit better and its easier to play that way. I am really enjoying it actually.

Found some tabs for one of my favourite songs at the minute, Skinny Love by Bon Iver, but I feel the uke might take away the sadness from the song. But who knows, I'll give it a shot.

Some things today have been very good and some have been desperately sad. I just hope that the bad things get better. I am a person of optimism, perhaps why I enjoy the happy clappy sounds of Betsy, so I always feel that things can surely only get better. I hope they can.

Also the non/semi/quasi/anti/possible date went really well. So a trip to the zoo is on the cards. I will try to restrain the zoologist within me, but I know its not going to happen.

Exciting times

Today I head back up to Liverpool after a few days of relaxation in Wales. Just what the proverbial Doctor ordered, I think.

I'm being picked up at eleven by a young man in a car, who is taking me for a drink then dropping me off at the train station. I'm not quite sure if this is a date and how much of a non date status it has, but either way, it seems as though I have pre date nerves. I've not seen the young gentleman in question for a few years which is scary enough but also I have no idea how this could go. I genuinely think it will go well, despite this. Also, as its quite chilly I have been agonising over which outfit to wear for this quasi-date.

Seeing as I haven't seen him in a long time, I might play a game where we have to say one thing about ourselves alternatively. That way it'll spur off things to talk about that we didn't realise we had in common ....

Hang on. Isn't that what speed dating essentially is?

If this pseudo date is a date, then its possibly the first date I've had in years. Which is why I'm a bit anxious. Ah well, either way it'll be nice to catch up.

I was just listening to 5 Year's Time by Noah and the Whale, which I feel could almost be an appropriate first date song. The lyrics sing of happiness in five year's time with sweet moments at the zoo, but goes on to admit that there is a possibility that that might not happen and they might not even know each other in 5 year's time, but either way there'll be love wherever the other person goes. It's a very optimistic song about new love. I very much like it. Twee happy-clappy optimism does float my boat.

Anyway, I have to go get some hamster food for poor little Pepper in Liverpool before I get picked up for my anti-date so Lizzie out.

2am

2am is a bit of a funny time. I know I should go to sleep because I want to be up in 6 hours, but I'm too awake. I could just stay up all night. Except I know that that won't work. I haven't stayed up for two days since the days of sleepovers in my young teenage years. I love my bed too much.

Today I came home to Wales. Things in the house are less than peachy, so a little rest and relaxation in the house of my parents is a good thing. As the train was rolling through Wales a smile just came to my face. I love sitting in the window and watching home get closer. I've seen the view a thousand times but some things, like the big ship and the blue sea, make me happy and fuzzy inside. Not literally fuzzy, but the feeling of fuzziness. Fuzzed up, if you may.

Mum, Dad and I sat out in the back yard listening to the birds in the sunshine with Coca Cola on ice. I found myself swirling it, as though I was mixing my usual Captain Morgan's. Sign of an alcoholic/student methinks. It was good. I told my parents about all the good and the bad, and vice versa.

I had crab terrine on onion bread for tea. That's kind of like a pate. It was excellent. The onion bread tasted like I had dipped normal french bread into onion soup. It was also excellent. I love the food at home. Everything feels luxorious and I don't have to think about how much I'm spending and whether I should make enough for leftovers tomorrow. We had palma ham and melon for starters and apricot tart for dessert. I am spoiled.

Tomorrow I'm going to get up at 8am, or that is the plan. If I keep blogging and wasting time I feel it may be a 9am start. Then I'll get the photos printed for Quentin, and go for a walk with Daddy, give the parents all the music they want, go see Star Trek with mum, go see Quentin, eat some food and hopefully go watch the sunset with Jack in Abergele. Busy but good times. Then Wednesday, equally busy day of morning coffee, a train home, a horror film and then a fire in Kim's back yard. Not the arson kind, more the camp fire variety. I plan to make smores, or at least toast some marshmallows. Om nom nom.

I think I should at least try to sleep.