Friday, 5 June 2009

Double Post

I know, I know. The internet faux pas that is double posting. I'm pretty sure it doesn't apply to blogs, only forums, but still. Was just thinking about the future. My future. Doesn't belong to anyone else. Just me.

I was thinking about if I ever got into a new relationship, and the first thing that sprung to mind was the Quiz by Hello saferide. I always loved this song, but it has never really been as significant as now. Well, not now, but in my future. The song is basically a questionnaire of things asked to a boy by Hello saferide herself, her name escapes me, but it boils down to her wanting someone to just be there for her when she needs them.

I think its going to be a long time before I'm willing to make myself vulnerable enough for a new relationship. The idea is positively frightening, to allow someone else to really see me and know me and understand all my foibles and ways and funny little things. Such as the way I refuse to eat sandwiches not cut into triangles and the fact that I act quite confident but am really just shy and insecure underneath it all. To trust them with my life is a scary idea. With my body's general loathing for being functional, thus providing me with 3 trips to A&E and a residential in the Walton within the last 7 months, I have to know that I can trust someone to look after me. And with the events of recent, featuring two seizures experienced on my own on my bedroom floor, I am worried I may become less trusting of people. More particular perhaps.

Anyway, here are the lyrics:
"You look nice alright
and I like the way you nod after everything I say
like it actually means something to you.

And I like your record collection
Townes and Jens with a hint of Rickie Lee
And you've cleaned up the bathroom, made a really nice soup
but a bit too much sci-fi in your shelf with DVDs.

But there's some things you need to know about me:
I'm weak right now, real weak right now
I need proof before I dare to open this heart
so I prepared a quiz for you:

Would you freak out if I said I liked you?
Do you walk the line?
Is your IQ higher than your neighbour's?
And is it very much higher than mine?

Can you sleep when I grind my teeth?
Do you look away if I slob when I eat?
Will you let me be myself?
Can you at all times wear socks?
because I'm still scared of feet

Do you talk in the middle of Seinfeld?
Do you read more than two books a month?
Do you get racist or sexist when you've had a few?
Is it fine if I make more money than you?

Have you slept with any people I work with?
Is there anyone you'd rather wish I'd be?
Do you still keep pictures of old girlfriends?
Are they prettier than me?

And if I'd fall, would you pick me up?
If I fall, will you pick me up? "

The questions about the old girlfriends is such a loaded girl question. The feet thing doesn't apply. Feet don't bother me really. Mine are always cold though which is pretty awful really. I think something about whether they'd forgive me for taking up most the bed when I'm half the size of the average person would be more apt.

These are just things passing through my head on this late evening. My finger tips are still hurting from playing so much Ukulele. I think 30 Rock is going to be the best step forward.

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